default skeeter // by {minyafalas}

(no subject)


And what, my dear reader, would be an edition of the Thursday Evening Prophet without the latest scoop from Rita Skeeter? Why, it simply wouldn't be. Which is why I’m going to cut straight to the point and fill you in on Scotland’s most recent gristly murder.

Albus Dumbledore, the infamous Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, well known in throughout Britain, died yesterday, or was murdered, rather. His corpse was found in the late afternoon, half submerged in a bog near Culter Fell by two Muggles, both goat herders, out counting their herds. According to the latest information in relation to his horrible crime, there was no quick, painless death for the dearly departed Dumbledore. The former Supreme Mugwump lay for hours dying with nobody to help him.

"...It was so horrible!" one witness was heard saying over the bleats of angry goats. "I've never seen a body chewed up like that! Not an inch of his flesh was left untouched..."

Other witnesses fled the area before this reporter could interview them.

Dumbledore is - was – the Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He was well known about Britain for his 1945 defeat of the Wizard Grindelwald. It is unknown at this time who will replace him as the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot or as Supreme Mugwump in the International Confederation of Wizards.

The Ministry is, as of yet, denying his death, nor can I get a hold of the late Albus Dumbledore’s second in command – Minerva McGonagall. But I have seen the deceased first hand. I promise you, dear reader, that I will keep you apprised of this situation. Listen to my nightly radio show on the WWN for updates.
default skeeter // by {minyafalas}

(no subject)


The Wizarding World remains in shock over the news of an attack on Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry on the morning of the 4th of July. As students were about to depart from the school to be taken to Hogsmeade Train Station, a large group of unidentified persons penetrated the walls surrounding the grounds and proceeded to through curses and hexes at the largely unarmed group of youngsters.

The group, who were later identified to this reporter as ‘Death Eaters’, were met with a force of upper-class men and women and a somewhat depleted Hogwarts’ staff, though the attackers had the upper-hand. One has to question the true identity of the group. As Prefects and older pupils ushered lower years toward the train and back to the castle, an horrific battle took place and several people maintained injuries.

However, a group of Aurors and Hogwarts staff, as well as notable Ministry employees arrived on the scene and although several more injuries and fatalities took place, the attackers were defeated.

This reporter wonders why several members of the staff were away from the school at the time and why such an atrocity was allowed to take place. It has already been suggested that Hogwarts is not as safe as it should be and that perhaps Albus Dumbledore should think hard about his precarious position as Headmaster.

A full list of those people who were unfortunately injured and killed during the attack is available from the Ministry.
default skeeter // by {minyafalas}

Rita's Column

New Ministry legislation!

In a surprising yet impressive move this week, Minister Malfoy has passed new legislation regarding those accused of activities related to being a "Death Eater". This reporter is currently maintaining a healthy suspension of disbelief as to whether or not such a group actually exists. Nonetheless, the new Minister is generously catering to the beliefs of the public in acknowledging their concerns for the treatment of these citizens. According to Minister Malfoy, "It is my hope that this new legislation will ring in an era of understanding and acceptance, and will put an end to some of the nonsense established by individuals such as Albus Dumbledore." The Minister is of course referring to the once-popular and now rather disgraced Headmaster of Hogwarts, who has in recent times done very little to benefit the community as a whole. Says a source from within the school, "I'm not sure what he does, really. It's not very much. I don't think anyone really feels safe here." Clearly, Hogwarts is not the fortress it was once believed to be, and this reporter wonders if perhaps a change in rule is appropriate.

The new legislation takes effect today, and will allow the accused the opportunity to reform their behaviours, something the former Ministry often overlooked.
default skeeter // by {minyafalas}

Rita's Column

Malfoy Made Minister!

Following the staggering displays of inadequacy made by the Ministry of Magic over the last several years, a new Minister has been chosen. Lucius Malfoy, a respectable example of pure Wizarding brilliance, graciously accepted the job early this afternoon, saying that he "would be honoured to reaffirm the name of wizard in our floundering and all too often corrupt society". This change will undoubtedly yield a more peaceful time, with the absence of incompetence from the Ministry of Magic at long last.
default skeeter // by {minyafalas}

Rita's Column

Sirius Black - An Innocent Man

Sirius Black
, presumed to be one of the most murderous and dangerous wizards on the face of this planet, has been found innocent of the crimes that he was previously impisoned for. Peter Pettigrew, the crazed death eater, was found guilty for crimes formerly attributed to one Sirius Black after the Ministry interrogated Pettigrew only hours ago.

The horrendous event that happened some sixteen years ago - a massive explosion resulting in a dozen muggle's deaths and the supposed death of Peter Pettigrew - was instead caused by Peter Pettigrew and not Black. A single finger was found after the explosion, confirming the belief that Pettigrew was dead. In fact, the man had escaped through indetermined means - leaving Black to take the wrongful blame.

The Ministry of Magic have assumed that Black is dead by now, as he has not been seen for many months. "This is a message to the entire wizarding community - and if need be, the muggle community. If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of Sirius Black, please contact the Ministry of Magic through owl or the floo network. Black is innocent. I repeat, Black is innocent." Cornelius Fudge announced, before having to leave rather hurriedly as a Percy Weasley quickly informed him of an urgent matter residing within the Department of Mystery - as heard by this reporter.

At the present time, Peter Pettigrew is being kept in a cell within the Ministry of Magic for further observation for a brief period of time before his inevitable transfer to Azkaban. Pettigrew, as an anonymous source says, still quite crazed.

Rita Skeeter - telling it as it is.

default skeeter // by {minyafalas}

Rita's Column

Mock Exams - More Than It's Supposed To Be?
While most of us are relaxing in the cool weather that is now coming, the students of Hogwarts are in a frenzy of studying Charms, Potions, Transfiguration, Ancient Runes, DivinationDefence Against The Dark Arts - all in preparation for their mock exams. Some are not as worried as others, but there is a atmosphere of dread amongst the students as the days of their exams come ever closer and closer. Though they are only mock exams, the Professors of Hogwarts have made it so that the mock exam is almost as serious as a real one.

One of the many absurdities of these mock exams is the Defence Against The Dark Arts exam that has no actual schedualed time to take place. Saying that, "one of the keys of Defense is being ready to handle anything that's thrown at you," Professor Nymphadora Tonks - better known as her last name - announced that the D.A.D.A exam would take place at any time. Some students, being practical, ask for help from Professor Tonks with various subjects, such as one Theodore Nott, a sixth year Slytherin who asked for help with his patronus. While others, such as Millicent Bulstrode, a sixth year Slytherin girl, took on the more odd approach, by suggesting that the world might blow up and they would not be able to take such a ridiculously spontaneous exam.

Micheal Corner, a rather outspoken sixth year Ravenclaw, declared quickly that Ravenclaws need not study whatsoever, while the "Gryffindors and Slytherins might be nervous" as they "don't have the intellectual capacity" of the Ravenclaws. And the Hufflepuffs, as Corner said, are so "stupid, they should be worried." Outbursts such as these are a constant thing coming from Corner, and from many students, they have become used to it and remain uneffected by his slander - focusing on their studies instead.

Whilst we can assume that somehow the Professors know what they are doing, can we completely hope that our beloved children - who have gone through so much - must cope with the attacks of He Who Must Not Be Named and the stress of their mock exams?

We can only hope! Until next time, readers!

Rita Skeeter - Writing it as it is.

default skeeter // by {minyafalas}

Rita's Column

Hogwarts Cat-Napper Fired
The kidnappings of the familiars of the students at Hogwarts caused a small outrage amongst the students. Unbeknownest to Professor Albus Dumbledore, his very own trusted caretaker, Mr. Argus Filch, was the criminal behind these acts. Why he did this, is unknown. The Headmaster, in a most out of character act, sacked his caretaker once this information was divulged. The caretaker was gone the next day.

Many of the students theorize as to why the Headmaster of Hogwarts, known for giving second chances, sacked his caretaker so quickly and seemingly flippantly.
"Dumbledore is a wise man, he's not one for quick actions. I'm wondering why he didn't give Filch a second chance. One would think that something suspicious is going on. For one thing, look at the Potions Master and Care Of Magical Teacher Dumbledore has hired. Surely they are a reason to suspect that Dumbledore did not do what he usually does with deciding the fate of Filch," says Mafalda Hopkirk, the head of the Improper Use of Magic department.

From the most recent happenings at Hogwarts, it is becoming increasingly more and more difficult to trust the judgement of the once respected wizard - Albus Dumbledore.

If you are a parent of a student or attends Hogwarts, do not be afraid to owl this eager reporter.

- Rita Skeeter - writing it as it is.

default skeeter // by {minyafalas}

Daily Prophet

Hogwarts - The Safest Place To Be?

Apparently, not.

For the first time in many weeks, Hogwarts had the atmosphere of a happy school with no worries. The Sunday Evening brought on the first Quidditch Match of the season and there were smiles on the children's faces as they made their way to the Quidditch field. The entire faculty of Hogwarts had come to see the event, even happier to see that some things did not change. The children were innocent as they watched their Quidditch match -- Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw -- when suddenly, without warning of any type, the Dark Mark was cast into the sky above their very heads.

We, I am sure, are all aware of the absolute terror that can strike any wizard or witch once the Dark Mark is cast. The mark that is the very signature of You-Know-Who, the very symbol of death in our society, was cast right above the Quidditch field of Hogwarts. Chaos erupted, children were screaming and crying, fleeing towards the castle for safety! The teachers were far up high in their teacher's box, watching as the large crowd below them streamed out of the stands, the screams travelling so far that even the inhabitants of Hogsmeade could hear them.

"It's an outrage," says Mr. Percy Weasley, son of Arthur Weasley, "Hogwarts is meant to be a fortress, the safest place in our magical community. If a death eater can get onto the grounds undetected and cast the Dark Mark into the sky, how do we trust that the Headmaster is making sure the children are safe? I, myself, have siblings at the school who I dearly care for. I do not wish to see them hurt."

Whilst many were making their way to the castle, there were those who stayed behind to make sure everyone got back to the castle. Mortale Peccato, a handsome and charming Italian boy, son of Peccato, was seen carrying a girl who was beside herself with fear and would not stop crying. Helping those who were rigid with fear and coaxing those who hid beneath their benches, the caring Slytherin (simply unheard of, I know!) was able to get everyone back to the castle, including one Ethan Hunt, a Muggleborn wizard of Chinese descent, who seemed to have been in a trance.

Efforts such of these were appreciated as much, but unfortunately, were simply not enough. The staff descended into the woods once they were sure that everyone was in the castle, and searched the forest for signs of who had cast the Dark Mark into the starry sky above them. The came upon the cold body of Aaliyah LeFaye, a popular and pretty Ravenclaw, who had been one of the missing amongst those who had made it back to Hogwarts. Not far from her, wandered a crazed, very not dead Peter Pettigrew, wearing death eater clothes. Peter Pettigrew was the supposed victim of Sirius Black, now discovered to be wrongly accused. The seemingly insane death eater has been taken in by the ministry.

"At the time," Cornelius Fudge, Minister Of Magic, held a conference to address the public, "I am unable to release any information concerning the story behind Mr. Pettigrew's supposed death. The Ministry will be working hard now that Hogwarts has been infiltrated a second time."

The third Ravenclaw to be brutally murdered by You-Know-Who's followers, LeFaye is mourned for by Mr. Peccato, who was said to be in a intimate relationship with her. He is repeatedly said to be saying, "She's not dead. I don't believe it. I refuse to believe it."

 Is LeFaye the last Ravenclaw to be taken?

Or is this just the beginning?

Many of Hogwarts population are now mourning the loss of their classmate, but it seems that Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, is uneffected by the attack on his school and spends his time going about his business with one, Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius Malfoy. He is said to be worshiping the young Malfoy and does not seem to care that there is a poor girl dead. But it also seems that Potter is not the only one ignoring the situation. Others are commenting on You-Know-Who's chose in using glitter for his mark, whilst others are simply going on with their lives as if nothing happened.

Are your children safe at Hogwarts? Is the Headmaster doing his job?

Is it a good idea to have a ex-death eater at Hogwarts?

- Rita Skeeter

default skeeter // by {minyafalas}

(no subject)

Pussycat, Pussycat where have you been?

Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is said to be a fortress, a safe-house of sorts. Recently, I received word that the feline population of Hogwarts had simply dissapeared! Whilst, I, Rita Skeeter was absolutely shocked and outraged at this incredible but seemingly meaningless breach of safety at Hogwarts, this reporter decided that she'd get to the very bottom of this mystery.

Upon closer suspection of the student's journals, I came upon what seemed to be an adventure of sorts. Colin Creevey, a boy of questionable behaviour, was simply bent on the idea that mysssterriousss ghosts of Hogwarts were stealing the cats. Whilst we all know that ghosts, of any sort (be they old or young, smart or stupid), are hardly capable of accomplishing such a act -- Colin Creevey decided to take it upon himself to spread rumours and post up a barely distinguishable picture of a part of Hogwarts with two blurry white figures peeking out of two windows. Can this deluded and barely plausible tale be true?

Whether it is true or not, not long afterwards, Colin Creevey dragged along Brandy Brocklehurst and Luna Lovegood on a late-night hunt for these ghosts that stole cats. Only recently has Brandy Brocklehurst, a bright and outspoken girl, lost her sister to the claws of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Luna Lovegood, a rather odd girl with striking blue eyes, is the daughter of the man who runs our very own The Quibbler. Brandy Brocklehurst was not impressed by the antics of Colin Creevey, and was said to say,"Colin Creevey is an insensitive, delusional BOY!"

You may think that the feline familiars of Hogwarts are still missing, but never fear! Only recently, from what I have read and heard, the beloved darlings of Hogwarts have returned. Unscathed and happy to return to their worried owners.

"It's a disgrace," says one third year Slytherin, another owner who missed their cat dearly, "the headmaster made an announcement when someone was posting up naked pictures of themselves, but he didn't even seem to notice the rather obvious fact that our cats were going missing."

Does this mean that the Headmaster of Hogwarts is losing his touch? And, what about those naked pictures?

Never fear readers, Rita Skeeter is on the job!

Rita Skeeter

default skeeter // by {minyafalas}

(no subject)

Debauchery in Hogwarts Halls

Miss Lavender Brown has been rumoured to have been caught in the Hallways 'indulging' herself with Mr Blaise Zabini, of Hogwarts newest Trio.

A young Slytherin by the name of Seth DeMorté allegedly stumbled upon the two late one night. A young Gryffindor confirmed that Miss Brown had been feeling out of sorts, "Well, she came into the common room... and she was really upset. She was looking in the mirror... but then again she's always looking in the mirror. She had a strange look on her face... I seen her outside, she was with that boy... the mean Slytherin one."

Miss Brown had been spotted earlier that morning with Mr DeMorté in the courtyard. A passerby claims to have heard Miss Brown asking Mr DeMorté for a second chance. Upon being rejected it is alleged she fled to the Gryffindor common room, and then resloved to seek out Mr Zabini for some comfort.

All the while Mr DeMorté sought out some company of his own in a sweet natured Hufflepuff by the name of Katarina Evanla.

Is Dumbledore losing his students to the evil of raging hormones? It seems that way.

Rita Skeeter